The seriousness with which I approach my future

I'm presently working on practice sets for the GRE while drinking a bottle of $6 Chardonnay--straight out of the bottle. It's actually pretty tasty--Whole Foods doesn't sell shit wine, or the yuppies would stop going there.

I realize that I need to do much better than the 1200 I got last round (in my defense, I didn't study much and I was really sick), but I'm distressed that the results of this standardized test may prove to me and the rest of the world that I'm not actually smart, nor capable of attending grad school.

Hence the wine.

Also, reading these ridiculous GRE passages through the veil of alcohol causes them to become much more understandable. I may consider pregaming the test.