How not to raise your kids

This rant is brought to you by the MOST OBNOXIOUS FAMILY EVER. I've had it up to here with people who don't know how to raise their kids.

A family of 5 from LA came on my tour last night. They seemed nice--at least, the mom, the dad, and the son seemed OK. But I swear to you, the two daughters, aged six and probably 15ish, were the most spoiled rotten individuals I have ever met in my life, and I'm pretty sure neither of them has ever received a stroke of discipline.

Exhibit A: The older one, a sullen teen who kept being short with me and refused to go in any of the memorials, dropped her sunglasses on the ground. Her mother told her to pick them up. She refused, whining "I can't walk!" Then, while rolling her eyes, the mother leans down and picks them up anyway.

Exhibit B: The younger one, aged six with demon hellfire burning behind her eyes, whined throughout the tour. "I'm hot, this is boring, how much longer do we have?" She also talked--LOUDLY--during every single stop. And in spite of her mother occasionally saying (half-heartedly) "Honey, listen to the lady," she would not shut up. At all. To boot, I asked at Vietnam if anyone had any questions. Demon child said "Yes...nothing" in what could only be described as a bitchy tone of voice with a smirk (did I mention she was SIX?) on her face.

Exhibit C: Demon child was on a trailer tandem with her father. She accidentally slipped off (this was right at the end of the tour), and she was completely fine, but she started SCREAMING. In the middle of a crowded sidewalk with pedestrians who were trying to get out of the way of the cars on Constitution Avenue. Her father stops in the middle of the sidewalk to coo over her, holding up the rest of the tour AND all of the pedestrians.

Exhibit C: Oldest girl comes back crying on the tour. "Moooomm, I told you I didn't feel well!" Her mom rolls her eyes, calls her a pain in the ass to me, but says nothing to her teenage daughter. They go get ice cream.

Interestingly, this family was Orthodox Jewish. Prayer tassels, yarmulkas, the whole kit and caboodle. The dad had to check to see if our Clif Bars were kosher (they were). Now...here's my thinking on this. Wouldn't adhering strictly to the tenets of your faith (or any faith) involve NOT allowing your daughters to be complete pains in the ass? And to respect their elders? I guess it's silly of me to expect religious people to be nicer, but it just seems intuitive. It's disappointing when any family is that obnoxious, but especially so when they're supposed to be messengers of God...or whatever. It seems hypocritical.

And, religion or no, I will repeat: I'm really sick of having to deal with parents who clearly don't know how to raise their children. Because it makes for really, really annoying families. Having never been a mother, I'm sure I don't know how difficult it really is, but it cannot be that difficult to keep your children from growing up into heinous individuals.

Growl.

You should not come to DC if...

1) If you are under the age of 16 and are travelling in droves of pubescent middle-schoolers, you should not come to DC.

2) If you are driving a giant-ass tour bus that likes to stop in intersections and NOT stop at crosswalks, you should not come to DC.

3) You know what, if you're driving a tour bus period, I don't really want to see you in this city. I hate those fucking things.

4) If you are a chaperone/teacher who thinks it's cute to dress your children in matching highlighter yellow t-shirts, you should not come to DC.

5) If you are one of those karma-happy, I-like-to-do-yoga, everything-is-chill-and-I-do-not-rush-myself people, you REALLY should not come to DC. I understand that YOU don't care if you're on time for your bike tour, and that you want pictures of every last thing in this city and don't mind being back a half-hour late, but I, as your tour guide, would like to be home on time.

6) If you cannot be bothered to read signs on the Metro machines, you should not come to DC.

7) If you have bratty children who like to tell the tour guide that she's doing everything wrong, and if you tell those children to ride at the front of the bike tour, keep your ass at home.

BUT...if you happen to be polite, able to use public transportation (and not at rush hour), and if you have not decided somewhere along the line that it was a brilliant idea to tote a bunch of misbehaved children or lip-curling, snooty teenagers en masse to this city...welcome to Washington. We're happy to have you.

Communities

It's occurred to me over the past semester that, in a city that largely (and not always, but often) centers around self-importance, college has done a GREAT job of making you realize just how interconnected you become with the people around you. Which subsequently makes you realize how amazing the people around you are.

We recognize the worth of our peers, yet at this stage, we have a hard time writing down how awesome WE are for the sake of a cover letter...for applying to (dear god) JOBS. As Professor Chin said today (I'm probably paraphrasing), "You know, graduating from the University Honors Program is supposed to leave you with some modicum of self-confidence. Some."

Frankly, I think it's a healthy mentality. Not the lack of self-confidence--THAT needs work--but the recognition (at least in some sense) that we are part of a larger whole. My question is--when do people lose that? Is it a marker of a lack of self-confidence? Or are these people (reference the blog post below) really just THAT arrogant?

Maybe we're all just arrogant...

I know this can't be right, but...

I'm pretty convinced that everyone else learned a lesson about dealing with life pre-graduation that I missed out on. In these last few weeks, it has become increasingly clear to me that I can no longer deal with my life in a functioning manner. I used to be able to successfully over-commit myself to everything, but I can't even complete my required schoolwork anymore. Which means that I have quit everything else so that my life is so full of homework that just looking at the stack of books I have for my Capstone (senior thesis) makes me ill.

As I watch those around me successfully completing internships (and not getting fired from them), getting 3.99 GPAs, finishing their Capstones (that make far more sense than mine), and dealing with their lives in very graceful manners...I wonder where the hell I went wrong.

Look at me, I'm IMPORTANT.

Sometimes, I get really friggin' sick and tired of people in this city. There's a culture of self-importance here that comes with the wealth and the politics, and it's pretty clear that some people (not all, mind you, but enough) think they're better than you. Yes, I myself can be a total elitist snot with precious little patience towards particular groups (mostly conservative and religious assholes), but most of my annoyance is directed towards people who perceive themselves as better than everyone because they are more educated or more "important". Because...you know what? They're not. Ultimately, we are all human. Just because you hold this or that position in X or Y organization does not mean that you shit diamonds, and I wish more people would understand this.

While I was on tour the other day, some woman made some passive aggressive remark about how we, as a group of bikers, should get in the street. I hear this all the time, and she was particularly bitchy, so I politely ignored her, said "Excuse me, ma'am," while passing her, and looked back as she proceeded to get her feathers ruffled and haughtily scold every single member of the tour--who were, as they always are, politely moving in a single-file line down the sidewalk. We weren't in anyone's way and legally, we were allowed to be on that goddamn sidewalk.

I felt bad for the kids that she yelled at, but they also ignored her. It gave me a nice dose of self-righteous schadenfreude (good word, and I think it's applicable here?) to see her completely unable to stop us because we were right and she was wrong.

It's these small examples that just build up and irritate the hell out of me--like when I tried to unlock the bathroom door at a cafe downtown (with the key that customers are supposed to retrieve, as indicated by a GIANT SIGN on the door) and someone was in there. I figured that because the key was still there, no one was in the bathroom, and I hadn't seen the dude walk in. I moved to wait by the door when this old guy at a table looks at me and says, rather snottily, "You should knock before going in." Wellll, thank you, sir. Nearly 22 years' worth of common sense has apparently taught me nothing. I guess the fact that the dude in the bathroom being able to voice "Hey, I'm in here!" wasn't going to be enough to deter me from walking in there.

Sometimes I wonder...if I was a man, less blond, older, and wore stuffier clothing (like not jeans and t-shirts), would I be treated differently?

DC's getting it right!

I have been bitching for the last 3 years or so about how the yuppie-ish outskirts of DC (think upper Red Line) need more cafes, coffee shops, and chill little places to do work. And no, Starbucks doesn't count. I don't care how many billions of customers they draw annually, their coffee is disgusting.

Imagine my joy when I was biking down Connecticut Avenue in Cleveland Park a couple of weeks ago and saw The Cereal Bowl nestled between a newly opening Palm Beach Tan (really?) and the giant concrete facade of the Uptown Theater. The basic idea is simple--Americans like cereal, Americans like toppings on their cereal, kids like disgusting sugary cereals that their parents won't buy them, so why not create a cereal bar where everyone can be happy? You order your cereal (or a combination)--choices range from Cap'n Crunch to Grape Nuts to Cheerios to granola--then pick up to 3 toppings. You have your choice of normal toppings like strawberries, blueberries and bananas, or you can go crazy and get marshmallows and crumbled vanilla wafers.

I convinced my boyfriend that we had to go, so being the good sport that he is, he agreed to try it out this morning. I went the boring route and got granola (which I'm pretty sure was crumbled up Nature Valley Honey and Oat granola bars) with strawberries, blueberries and almonds. He went a more...um...exotic route and ordered the "Dirt Bowl"--Cookie Crisp with crushed Oreos, chocolate syrup and gummy worms. The mere sight of it made my blood sugar spike through the roof, but he said it was delicious. I took his word for it.

And it's not just the cold cereal. They have muffins the diameter of soccer balls, a full espresso bar (Blackberry Creme Mochas? Yes, please.) "Oaties," which are smoothies made with oats (which are delicious, though the lumpy, snot-like consistency is somewhat off-putting), hot teas, and hot cereal. They're not just open for breakfast, either. Monday through Thursday, hours are 6:30 AM through 10 PM, Fridays it's 6:30 AM to 11 PM, Saturdays 7-11 and Sundays, 7-8.

Pre-designed combos run as much as $4.29 for a small, $4.89 for a large, but the quirky charm, free WiFi and outlets, and limitless cereal combinations make it completely worth the money. It's an up-and-coming national chain, but there's only a few nation-wide, so it feels like a neighborhood institution. The staff is warm, friendly and patient, and their uniforms consist of t-shirts and plaid flannel pants. The general lack of seating leaves something to be desired, but there's a permit for a coming enclosed sidewalk cafe on the window. I have a feeling that I'll be spending lots of time here this summer, inching my way ever closer to a happy, sugar-induced coma.

Hoo boy.

What sort of miserable failure do you have to be to get fired from an unpaid internship? Like, really? In the midst of the 17 million things I have to do in order to graduate, I emailed my supervisors and said "Hey, I'm only coming in once a week." (I had been coming in twice a week previously.) I thought it seemed like a fair compromise, considering that I was (and am) stressed out to the point of tears half the time, they didn't pay me, and they never gave me a whole lot to do, so I'd sit around twiddling my thumbs for a few hours at a time. I liked the job whenever they actually gave me interesting stuff to do or sent me on bike delivery errands.

Anyway, my boss emailed me back to tell me that they had decided it would be best if I just left. And they're letting me go with the promise of recommendations in the future, because they know I'm a good worker when I'm actually functional. I realize this is the best option for everyone, especially for me, but...good God. They weren't even paying me and they still let me go.

Between this and my advisor tearing apart my Capstone (in a less-than-constructive fashion that mostly comes across as really condescending) every time I meet with her, I'm beginning to doubt my ability to survive in the real world.

Which is why I'm clearly supposed to give tours for the rest of my frickin' life. That's pretty much all I can do. Hoo-freakin'-ray.