Sunday, May 10, 2009

On dealing with dumb tourists

Dear Puma/Nike/Under Armour/Adidas/Coach Wearing Woman from Chicago,

Excuse me. Please, CUT THE ATTITUDE. Just because I'm covered in bike grease and sitting your skinny, over-fake-tanned ass on a bicycle, you do not have the right to look down your nose at me.

No, it is not necessary for you to bring your Adidas windbreaker because the low is going to be 80 degrees tonight. But if you insist on bringing it, it will not fit in a handlebar bag along with another bag to hold your Coach fanny pack (really?). The handlebars are designed to fit ONE bag, and kindly don't say to me "Well, let's get a bike and we'll try it" in that obnoxiously snotty tone because, despite the fact that I look like a grease monkey and am a third your age, I've seen a hell of a lot more bikes than you have in your lifetime.

If you were less of a stuffed peacock, I'd be much happier about bringing out a bike with a rack on the back to fit your expensive outdoor equipment. I am here to help you, so please stop treating me like I have an IQ of 3.



I hate. hate. hate. pretentious and snotty people.

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