Joy, thy name is Autumn

After a two-week bout of bronchitis (that's still not entirely dead, but we're ignoring the resilient coughing and exhaustion for now), I hopped back on my bike and decided to go photo-hunting. The trees are beautiful, after all, and the weather was gorgeous today--a bit warm, a bit chilly, sunny, and bright. Perfect for snapping pictures.

I would like to add, my camera is five years old and breathing its last few, ragged breaths, but it's a trusty Kodak Easy Share that still manages to take crisp pictures with its 6.1 megapixels.

Miraculously, there were still roses blooming in the Bishop's Garden at the Cathedral, so I snapped a few shots of those. The photos are a bit schmoopy and girly, yes, but I thought they turned out nicely.

As I was photographing the last one, there was a mom/daughter (or teacher/pupil, I couldn't tell which) pair sitting on a bench behind me. The mom/teacher was explaining to the daughter/pupil how the beauty in flowers and gardens is a way of seeing God's work "because God made them." She talked about spending time with friends and family, and how God works in those times, too. I found it kind of funny that they were having this conversation outside of a giant stone cathedral. Not to write off thousands and thousands of years of phenomenal architecture for which men devoted and gave up their very lives...but while I guess gigantic churches are a traditional way of expressing devotion to God, it's one that I've never quite understood. The little faith that I have in whatever deity is out there, I have never felt in stone or in glass or in man-made structures. Which is why I set the focus like I did.

Anyway, it was a very sweet conversation that ended with the little girl saying, "I only wonder one thing....what do those white roses taste like? They just smell so good, that I can only imagine they taste better."

And to round out the afternoon, I'm baking another batch of chocolate chip pumpkin cookies...or muffkies. Muffin cookies! Kind of soft and chewy. They're pretty delicious.

All in all, a lovely autumn day.

Fall!

Finally, finally, finally. I couldn't take another day of 90+ degree heat (you call that September, DC???) or one more obnoxious tourist...and I was so very close to packing up my shit and moving to Canada when, bam! Fall came!

It's amazing how a cool down in the weather brings a cooling of my temper as well. I'm significantly less likely to want to bite customers' heads off when it's nice outside, and it's as if I have returned to the days when I loved my job. Though someone did tell me the other day that I'm surly enough to make a good bike mechanic...

Anyway. There's a pumpkin pie sitting in the oven right now--possibly the homeliest that's ever been made, but I'm hoping it turns out OK. Funny thing is, I don't actually like most pumpkin pies...only my grandmother's. Turns out she just uses the recipe on the cans of Libby's pumpkin, plus 1 tsp. cinnamon. So I have tried to replicate hers.

Pumpkin pie in October, you ask? Why yes...you see, I'm going home with the boyfriend for Thanksgiving. Apparently his mother does not believe in "real" Thanksgiving foods, and the list of foods that get axed from her meal include--1) mashed potatoes, 2) cranberry sauce, 3) sweet potatoes, and 4) pumpkin pie. No, no...she does turkey, boiled canned vegetables and rice instead. I had to simultaneously hold in tears and my gag reflex when I heard this.

So, he and some friends and his sister and I are doing a pre-Thanksgiving (slash Canadian Thanksgiving, if you ask me) feast. With real food.

For the record, this is proof that I really love him. There's not many people that I'm willing to sacrifice mashed potatoes for. Especially when they're my mom's, because hers are unbelievably good. But hey, there's always Christmas.

That all being said, it's going to be 80 degrees and sunny today...but I will be blasting the air conditioning and huffing pumpkin pie spice in order to convince myself that it's really autumn.

Etiquette Tips for Tourists

1) If you see someone interesting (i.e. an Indian woman in a sari), don't snap his or her picture (at least not so that it's obvious to them), especially if you're sitting in a crowded bus. It makes things awkward for the rest of us.

2) Don't stand in the middle of the sidewalk to take a picture. I can't emphasize this enough. It's obnoxious, and even though we're being polite and stopping for you, we're secretly dreaming of snatching your camera and throwing it in the nearest puddle.

3) Squirrels (and other wildlife) are great. They're cute. But please don't stalk them while trying to hand them food. They're not coming home with you.

4) Don't be rude when asking for directions. You just may end up in a part of town that's not so great for clueless folks like yourself...or we might direct you to a street that doesn't exist and leave you wandering downtown, confused as hell. (Tip: If someone directs you to J Street...don't listen to them.)

5) Accept the fact that you're a visitor. It's OK. Trying to be hip and blending in with the locals just makes you even more annoying because (I'll clue you in on a secret) WE CAN TELL you're from out of town. And that's OK, just so long as you're not being an obnoxious twatbag of a tourist.

Dear Washington DC Tourists,

1) STOP BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK. Hasn't anyone ever taught you how not to walk in clumps?

2) Along the same lines, the Washington Monument is visible from virtually every single spot on the National Mall. It's really not necessary to stop and take a picture of it from the middle of the sidewalk.

3) The next time I catch a group of you blocking the turnstiles to the Metro trains while I'm trying to get through with my bike and my train is coming, I promise I will throw things at you.

4) Could you kindly not stop and ask me for a brochure right as the light is turning green and I'm about to cross Constitution Avenue with a group of 15 cyclists at rush hour? Maybe you could take a look at and call the phone number we have typed in 100-point font on the 15 wheel insert advertisements...

Dear Washington DC Locals,

1) STOP WITH THE FUCKING BIKE BELL ALREADY. Yes, the sidewalks are shared pedestrian/cycling paths, and yes, bike bells are handy things, but that doesn't mean you need to go whizzing through at 50 mph on your road bike while clanging a bell and screaming "ON YOUR LEFT!!!!!" to everyone in sight.

2) Could you at least attempt to not knock softballs right into my groups of tourists? Those things hurt, even if we are wearing helmets.

3) Stop blocking my tours. You're not that important, even though you have a suit on.

4) On that same note, stop sneering and rolling your eyes at tourists. You do realize that tourism is this city's biggest and by far most profitable industry, right?

And for this week...

On my shit list:

The family of 9 from Belleville, IL. Specifically, the one who yelled at us for switching their tour time to an evening tour when the heat index was 109 during the day. Even more specifically, the guy in the family who said "What, is the Obama administration now trying to regulate when we can take bike tours?" Who was the same guy who passed an Indian family on the mall and yelled "Welcome to America!"

It disgusts me how rude and ignorant people (especially Americans) can be sometimes.

Young'uns

And one more entry for the day.

I have to say, as much as I really, really, really can't stand some (many) kids, there is nothing more charming in this world than a well-mannered child. And the few that are out there are forcing me to change my primary adjective describing children as a whole from "sticky" to "kinda cute."

Last night, it was a scorching 90+ degrees, even as it got dark. One dad on the tour was pulling two of his kids along in a Burley, and it was pretty cramped quarters for them. Now, normally kids whine and cry and complain about the Burleys, especially when it's hot and getting late--and really, who can blame them? But as we were pulling up to Jefferson, I heard the two little kids (aged about 4 and 6) yelling "Go Daddy, go! Go Daddy, go!" as he maneuvered his way through the tight spaces and concrete barriers. They were cheering their dad on rather than complaining about being jostled around. My heart melted just a little bit.

It got even better when the little boy couldn't stop grinning at me at the end of the tour. He kept reminding me of his name and saying "Thanks for the bike!" And his two older brothers, aged about 10 and 12, were trying to take each other out on their bikes until I told them to cut it out. And they listened. Without complaint. It was amazing. So, to whoever this family was from Palo Alto, thanks for raising great kids.

There was another girl from another family (I think they were from LA), probably about 12, who was apologizing for her dad being on his phone "24 hours a day" because he kept calling and texting people at each stop. I asked her if he had a job that kept him on the phone a lot, and she said "Yes...but he's standing here in Washington at the Lincoln Memorial, and he's texting someone!" Insightful kid. I told her to remember that for when she gets older.

You know it's too hot to give tours when...

1) You come back from a double tour shift and are so incredibly out of it that one of your managers thinks you have heatstroke.

2) You come home and take off your work uniform only to discover that you have heat rash (again) on your chest.

3) One of your bosses has suggested that guides get trained for what to do when customers pass out.

4) One guide in particular has had 3 people with heat exhaustion on his tours.

5) Your Canadian/New England customers are melting into the sidewalk.

6) The bike seats become too hot to touch after being out in the sun for 5 minutes.

7) The water that you hand out to each customer is hot enough to quickly thaw a chicken breast (or maybe to poach an egg) after being out in the sun for 5 minutes.

8) It's so humid that you have to unstick your legs from each other before getting back on the bike.

9) Tour members start to sway and get woozy after standing outside of the Lincoln Memorial for about 2 minutes (there's no shade there).

10) You see a crowd of people outside the American Indian Museum rubbing their faces and hands all over a mysterious giant block of ice on the sidewalk. They have no idea and they do not care where it came from or why it's there or who touched it last.

11) Your Clif Bars have melted. Yes, melted.

12) It's 103 degrees with 50% or more humidity and DC has issued a heat advisory....

13)...and, with humidity, it's hotter here than it is in Phoenix, Arizona.

Well, duh.