1) I LOVE being an American! With blind patriotism! Go USA! Every other nationality sucks in comparison!
2) I'm transferring to a university in the American South so I can celebrate how awesomely AMERICAN I am!
3) I'm in a serious relationship and we're getting engaged soon!
4) I'm failing out of all of my classes!
5) I successfully fought off my caffeine addiction!
6) It was 20 degrees Celsius today!
7) It's April 1st!
Poisson d'avril! *slaps a fish on your back, laughs, and runs away* (It's a French thing--thanks, Gabo.)
....I'm so funny.